Once upon a time there was a girl who had moved into a house with terribly ugly ceiling fans. There were no redeeming qualities about these fans, outside of the fact that they appeared to work. The faux wood grain was not fooling anyone. The hardware was a gleaming brass, which suits no one’s taste, and the shades of the lamp were somehow floral, yet bumpy.
The girl was surprised and delighted to find that ceiling fans were actually quite affordable to replace. She scoured the internet and poured over photos of much superior ceiling fans. The next time she was at Home Depot, she and her husband also made a point to browse the store’s selection. That day the girl and her husband were at the store for other things, but surely they would return shortly to make their fan purchase. It would be a happy and inexpensive experience.
Then one day the girl had an idea. A stupid one. She said to herself, “Hey, the ceiling fans that I like are under $100 dollars. That’s not too much money, but if there were a way to keep some dough in my pocket that would be great. Is there a way to turn my ugly ceiling fans into considerably less ugly ceiling fans?” She thought for a moment. Perhaps they would grow up and turn into good looking fans, like the ugly ducking. She reconsidered. “I know. I’ll buy $15 dollars worth of spray paint and go to town. If it works, I’ve saved myself a ton. If it fails, I’m only out $15 and an afternoon.”
And so acquired the necessary materials. She bought a glossy white spray paint for the hardware, a flat white spray paint for the blades, and a frosted glass spray paint for the shades. If the bumpy floral shades couldn’t go away after all, the very least she could do was make them blend in with their surroundings a little better.
She worked. She removed the blades from one of the three ceiling fans in her home. And she painted. Things were clearly going poorly, but she continued. Three…..four…..five coats later. The results were an utter failure – the paint looked terrible.
Cue the music.
Somebody should’ve told her to stop being an idiot and read the can. Because then she would’ve figured out, like everyone in the rest of the world already knew, that it is too damn cold in February to spray paint.