This, my friends, is the ugliest tree. It is so ugly in fact, that this is the AFTER picture. And the photo really doesn’t even do it justice. Let me explain. This tree is supposed to be a hybrid of two different varieties of tree. This is a horrible idea, clearly, as evidenced by the fact that there are actually two pointy tops. One actual top, and then one tumorous top trying desperately to escape on the left of the tree. It’s dying, which explains the general non-tree amoeba like shape and brownish patch. Perhaps the worst of all, and something you can’t see in the picture, is the string of Christmas lights. See, I went to take them out, cutting them where it was too tangled to simply pull, but because the tree had been neglected for two years, the lights were impossible to remove. I got out our shiny new hedge clippers. I did what was possible, but some of the rogue tree parts were too thick to be cut. So there are these bits of stringed lights just dangling out in parts all over the tree. There is tree carnage everywhere.
Whats worse, is that after all of this, Evan decides that he can probably cut it down. What would we do with a tree corpse, I don’t know. We hand’t thought that far ahead. The only thing we knew was that this tree thing was not worth saving. So he FURTHER hacked at it, ultimately failing at putting this thing out of its misery. Now the lower portion of the trunk is exposed, along with the gauges Evan made with his saw. It’s a sad thing. Right now it’s only life’s purpose is to effectively hide packages that the UPS guy drops off. I guess we’ll be looking at it all Winter, since landscaping in late November in New York doesn’t really make any sense. All you can really do is stand back and laugh at how absolutely embarrassing it looks.